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Monday, December 10, 2007

Call A Spade A Spade

A while back I was listening to National Public Radio, which I love but rarely get to listen to as my husband has convinced my children that "We Will Rock You" is much more fascinating car fare. Whatever.

However, NPR was interviewing the founder of the Internet cheating site essayrelief.com, where you can download essays and try to pass them off as your own. Here's a general summary of the interview:

NPR: So you don't see any problem with helping kids cheat?

Idiot: We never meant for kids to cheat with our papers. We just want them to be able to have a resource for examples of papers that would give them ideas for their own papers.

NPR: Are you kidding?

Idiot: No, really. That has always been our intention.

NPR: So, you don't want high school and college students to use your papers as their own?

Idiot: (horrified tone) NO! Absolutely not. That's dishonest!

NPR: (in a skeptical tone) So, although your website says, "At Essay Relief, we strive to provide professional and original quality in essay writing at low and affordable prices, that are guaranteed to get you an 'A'--but you actually had no intention of people ever turning it in?

Idiot: Correct.

Am I the only one who wishes this guy would just come clean? I can't stand companies that pretend that they don't exist solely to make money off of other people's vices. At the very least, be honest about being dishonest. If I had been in that interview, here's how I would have handled the situation.

NPR: So you don't see any problem with helping kids cheat?

Me: Oh, I see a problem with it. But it's just so dang lucrative. I mean, these kids will pay lots of money for a paper.

NPR: So, you're just in this for the money?

Me: Absolutely. I'm just living the American Dream: making money off the labor of my employees. Really, these kids are living the American Dream too: paying lots of money for someone else to do your labor for you.

NPR: Aren't you worried that some day you'll go in for a surgery and your surgeon will have cheated his way through school thanks to people like you?

Me: Not really. Because I just had an MRI, and everything looked great. I've got another ten or fifteen years before I really have to worry.

NPR: What if the radiologist cheated through school and gave you a false reading?

Me: Hmm. That's interesting. Thought-provoking, even. But don't worry. If that's the case, I'll just enjoy the time that I have left. I'll spend all my ill-gotten gains and die happy. And my funeral will make Anna Nicole's look like a puppet show.

Don't you think I might have a brilliant future in public relations?

4 comments:

Valerie said...

I'd hire you to be my publicist any day. :)

Jen said...

You forgot to mention that you would just sue the radiologist and retire in the Grand American Tradition of litigiousness.

Heidi said...

Oh, that's right. I forgot the TRUE American Dream--sue the pants off of a doctor . . .

Leisha said...

I love it, GO Heidi!