Tuesday, April 27, 2010

At the Beach: A Photo Frenzy

Something very funky is happening with my font, but I'm too lazy to fix it, so just read and pretend everything is normal. Borrow this coping mechanism from me, if you must.

We recently pulled Veevs out of school for a week and vacationed on the beach in Florida (yes, the same beach that is now imperiled by the oil spill--damn you, BP!) It was on this trip that I discovered Rhett had never taken a real beach vacation--the kind where you stay at the beach for hours, every day. He was quite taken with the beach.

Unfortunately, he was not so taken with the beach that he tried to dress attractively for the occasion. When he came out sporting these shorts, knee-high socks and brown tennis shoes, I raised my eyebrows and said, "Really?" He reminded me it was his vacation, too. Whatever.
We rented bikes and rode around on the bike trails. The kids sat on the back. Spe made the time pass by pinching his driver's bum. Jakers made the time pass by dragging his feet on the wheel, and baby Logan passed the time by vomiting all over himself (but he loved it!).

I could eat this baby. And quite honestly, I think I could eat two pounds off of him, and he'd be no worse for the wear. So chubby!

We vacationed with some of our best friends who moved away recently, whom we still miss fiercely. Jacob and their son were all up in each other's business pretty much the whole time just to prove that a two-year-old and a three-year-old don't know how to share, be friends, or use soft voices. As if we needed that theory tested.

Fun was had by all. You will note that there are no pictures of me here. This is because this is my blog, and I just had a baby four months ago, and back off, OKAY? Imagine me tall, willowy, and tan. Because reality bites.

No-Talent Talents

I've been thinking lately about talents (not in a church way) and I've come to the conclusion that the working definition of talents is seriously short (and also, by the working definition of talented, I'm so not talented). So, here's a list of skills that are really talents. Some of these I say are talents because I'm good at them. Others, like housekeeping, I say are talents because I'm not one bit good at them (see, it's not my fault! I'm just not talented).

1) Reading--I think this should be considered a talent, and not just a time-waster, and here's why: I read a lot. So quit thinking I'm lazy. I'm just extremely, extremely talented. When we first got married, Rhett asked me to teach him how to speed read. I laughed in his face, because here's the secret recipe: Read for six hours every day of your whole childhood, embracing the faux friendship of fictional characters like Anne of Avonlea, Jo March, and Nancy Drew to assuage the pain of the fact that you have no friends in the real world. Repeat, repeat, repeat. FOR YEARS. YEARS, I SAY!

2) Housekeeping--Most people think that if you're not good at this you are just lazy. But that's not really it. You're just not talented. Some people (Mom, I'm looking at you!) have a natural gift for organization and cleaning and stuff, and they really find joy in being all clean and on top of the laundry. These are the GT (gifted and talented) homemakers. Then, there's people like me who think, "I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher today. What more do you want from me?" These are the LD (learning disabled) homemakers.* One of the ladies in my book club has wrinkled fingers from using Windex like twenty-seven times a day. She swears it's a curse, and I'm all like "Windex? I think I have a bottle in the garage. Rhett uses it on the van windows." See the difference between the talented and the untalented? It's pretty obvious.

3) Scheduling--I have a friend who keeps her whole life in her head: hair appointments, doctor appointments, car maintenance, everything. That girl has talents, no? I have another friend who keeps her schedule on her calendar and never misses anything because she is religious about checking her calendar. She is performing at grade-level, methinks. And then there's me: I keep a meticulous calendar and forget to check it, therefore missing probably 30% of my appointments. I wish I were kidding, but a couple of weeks ago I forgot Spe had school in the morning until the carpool showed up. Because we've only been doing this for eight months now.

I had a few more, but when the baby cries, I answer (well, after five to ten minutes, anyway). Talentless, I tell you!

* Don't get all nasty at me thinking I'm making fun of kids with these labels. The real shame is that we have these labels in the first place for kids. THAT'S what I'm making fun of, okay?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Bling Factor

The other day we went to Costco as a family. As always, Veevs started lingering around the diamond display.

I immediately started my "How many legs do you think were cut off for this particular 2-carat diamond?" spiel. Veevs has heard it many times before and on an intellectual level she agrees with our anti-diamond stance.

"Oh, Mom," she sighs. "I know. It's just that they are so shiny." And then she lingered a little longer, looking at the sparkly diamonds.

I wanted to tell her it was just fancy lighting that made them look so shiny, but the way she looked at them (so longingly!) broke my will to teach her social responsibility.

I held her hand and we looked at them together for a few minutes.

"They are pretty, aren't they?" I said. She nodded. "C'mon," I said, "Let's go look at the toy aisle."