Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Vomit #29

[Rhett asked me to transcribe a blog for him. He's still too poorly to do his own typing, apparently.]

Big sigh.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm married to Heidi. Heidi is really into this blog thing, so I figured that due to the untimely event in my life (sickness) I would lay down by her side and have her transcribe, word for word, the events that transpired this evening.

Tonight at approximately 10:37 CST, I vomited in the shower. I vomited between 6 and 10 times. One thing that Iceman learned during combat flight training was to never leave his wing man. Unfortunately, my wingman, Maverick (aka Heidi) was not there to witness this event because she has a "weak stomach".

Big sigh.

There have been times during this marriage when Maverick (aka Heidi) has vomited violently, and I have been there, holding her hair or patting her back. I have been there, risking my own personal well-being and health to facilitate her regurgitation. Let's just say that Vomit #29 (which took place in the shower) started out as a slight skirmish with an upset stomach; however, only minutes into the engagement I realized that I was in deep sugar, and I mean that literally, because I had just eaten 25 Wintogreen Lifesaver mints. Wintogreen is my favorite mint by far, but I digress.

So there I was, facing the enemy, feeling the sear of heat climb through my back and into my shoulders. I knew I was doomed. I look left. No wingman. I look left again, because the glass door is only on one side of the shower. Again, no wingman. And thus the call went down: Mayday! Mayday!

The deed was done. Several minutes later I looked up to see my wingman open the door to the shower. She politely asked, "Are you okay?" I grunted.

She then asked naively, "Did you throw up?" I didn't have the courage to look her in th.e eyes. Wasn't it obvious? The bits of Wintogreen mints circling in the pooled water around my feet? [This part has been censored by the typist/wingman/Heidi because it only gets more graphic from here folks. You'd thank me if you heard what he wanted me to type.]

I turned to her. Barely audible, I whisper, "Can you bring me the shower cleanser and the shower brush?"

Clara Barton would have cleaned it up for me. But Heidi's no Clara Barton.

[I wish I could refute this. But there's no way I would EVER clean up another adult's vomit. I'm NOT Clara Barton. Thank heavens!]


D said...

Sounds like you need to try the wintogreen Tums instead of the lifesaver mints. Maybe then you wouldn't have thrown up in the first place. :) I actually prefer the wintergreen tums to the fruit flavored ones- and being 7 and a half months pregnant I'm eating a lot of them.

Amy said...

ok al lthes blogs about vomit are driving me crazy...I mean seriously would you want me to write about the crocodile I just saw walking down the street...didn't think so but still everyone loves to write about my #1 fear in problemo! well I hope you all don't get it (mainly cause I can't handle reading about it) cause that would sucj to be that sick...wash your hands, oh and Heidi did you get it yet cause I read mandy's blog about the lurcher in primary! just wondering if it has ran its course through you:(

hope you all feel better soon
(running to kitchen to take massive amts of vitamin c)

Valerie said...

Poor Rhett! The trauma!! The opportunity has never arose for me to clean up another adult's vomit (my husband, I guess, has never been sick like that since we've been married,) but I don't think I could do so (clean it up) either. I have a very weak stomach!!

Bisel Family said...

Isn't that the joy of the shower? What a nice place, just wash it down!

I hope you all start feeling better soon!

Melissa Bastow said...

I think Heidi is very kind and thoughtful for checking after the shower barfing (even if she didn't clean it...which is...yeah...gross.) Last time my husband puked, he came out of the bathroom and I said, "Next time, turn the fan on so I don't have to hear you make noise." But then again, I'm not very sympathetic (or kind of thoughtful!)

Jen said...

I feel bad for Rhett. But though I am a member of a family of Clara Bartons (Grandma, Mom, Stepmom, Aunt, and Sister are all nurses), I failed to get the ability to clean up others' vomit without gagging my way to an untimely death.

Jordan & Lindsey Ohlson said...

touche Rhett

Kelley said...

Hilarious! I can't wait to meet Rhett someday. You two are a perfect match!

Anonymous said...

Wintogreen is my fav mint too. I hope vomiting it up didn't put you off it from now on. That would be truly awful!

And suck it up bigman. I too can't handle vomit - not even my own, much less be anyone else's wingman. (just read this post
and if you can't read that link - search my archive for the 'Give and Take' posted on 28 April 2007).

I'm totally with Heather on this one;).

tiger lamb girl said...

Uh - that anon - was me. Doh;).

Leisha said...

Oh dear. I fear I'm exactly the same. My husband has no problem scrubbing up vomit of friend or foe, but I run for the hills at the first sight of him retching.

To our defense, we do have to defend our wee ones against stomach bugs. Then, we'd be vomiting in the sink while our kids vomit in the toilet and/or bucket and/or floor.

Hope you feel better soon.

Carol said...

I forgot how much I love Rhett! I couldn't help but laugh hearing the boy Hadley chirping away in my head!

He's so good, managing to confine his puke to the shower! What a good boy!!

Anonymous said...

First off I love that he wanted you to blog about this to the point he transcribed it to you. Sorry Amy but vomit stories are always entertaining and gross at the same time.

Second this better not have hit your family by way of primary because I fear for myself and wingman! :) Plus that stinks.

Third, you saw me on Sunday. I ran for the hills screaming heck no someone else clean up that nasty mess.