Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Not for the faint of heart . . .

Seriously. If you are weak stomached, don't read this. Because I'm not going to edit my four-year old's comments just for you. It is what it is. I realize in blogging this that I'm pandering to the lowest common element, but I have brothers and this is what it takes to make them check my blog every four months. . .

So, yesterday, I was changing Wristy's diaper (this is my new nickname for my baby, as he has just discovered that he can pivot those wrists. Man, does he work it!). Veevs is really the most feces-fascinated girl I've ever met. Honestly, there does not go by a diaper change without her there: watching, advising, and even commenting on quality and quantity. For some reason (aka, I didn't tell her), she missed the beginning of this particular diaper change (Hey, I don't have to indulge her scatological inquiries, do I?). This is the conversation that ensued (I'm putting my thoughts in italics):

Veevs: Was that a poopy diaper, mom? Oh, great. Here we go again.

Mom: Not really. It was actually just a squirt, but we don't need to go into that.

Veevs: So was it like a squirt? Uh-oh. This conversation is quickly heading south, and I'm not talking directionally, if you know what I mean.

Mom: Yes, it was like a squirt.

Veevs: How does he do those squirts? I don't know, Veev. Ask your dad. I'm sure he has plenty of insider knowledge on this issue.

Mom: Um, I don't know. Evade! Evade! Evade!

Veevs: I think he probably farts and then instead of gas, poo comes out. Don't you think so, Mom?

Mom: Uh-huh. Maybe if I stop responding, we'll stop having this conversation at every single diaper change! (Sorry--but keep in mind I have two children in diapers. This conversation is just one of many I could transcribe for you.)

Veevs: So, he just does squirts sometimes, right?

Mom: Right.

Veevs: Okay. Phew! That wasn't as bad as it could have been. I mean at least I got out of that conversation without her mentioning . . .

Veevs: I know boys have penises, Mom. And there it is. Why does this always come up?

Mom (a little hysterically): Good for you, honey. Oh, wow! Let's go see if the mail is here yet!

So there you have it: life at my house every time I change a diaper. Hey, if your kids don't know about either the digestive system or the reproductive system, send 'em over. Veevs is happy to fill them in on all the details!


Amy said...

I was always a bodily function conversationalist:) Ivy and I have that in common:)

Texas Mommy said...

That is so funny! I love reading your blogs, I laugh every time! Your kids are adorable! even with the gross conversations!!

Celia and Scott said...

Henry does this exact thing. One time he even tried to open one of Ruby's stinky diapers that I had already closed. He said, "I need to see it!" Yeah, no you don't. Find a new hobby.

Sibri said...

hehe, so amusing to read that Heid... I love having this insight into your world! ;0)

Ivy Hadley said...

Apparently, I was a really awkward, and gross kid...