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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Ingrates in my House

Is it too much to ask for my family to respect my phobia? I mean, really. If one of my kids were agoraphobic, I would hardly drag them kicking and screaming outdoors every day. If my husband were an arachnaphobe (I think I made this word up) I wouldn't ask him to kill every spider in the house (just the really big ones, because hey, I have my limits).

So what's up with my family watching the PBS special on giant killer crocodiles tonight? Honestly. The worst part is this: THEY'VE SEEN IT BEFORE! My four-year old keeps running in to tell me that they're watching the crocodile show. She can't keep the glee out of her voice. Gee, thanks. I will continue to barricade myself in my room until further updates. I feel quite confident that she and her father have pacted to drive me absolutely nuts (got news for you, though, that happened long, long ago).

So here I am in my bedroom, trying to block out the giant killer crocodile facts that filter through to me. For example, did you know that giant killer crocodiles don't need to breathe for up to two hours? So don't bother looking at the water to spot their eyes, because it won't work! They will still ambush you at the water hole (or at your friendly neighborhood pool, I would imagine). Also, they can grow to be twenty or more feet long. Yes, I KNOW! They are HUGE! (And I am using caps, because I really am screaming on the inside.)

And what's up with my Veevs deciding that her whole life would be a waste if she doesn't become an alligator scientist? Ingratitude, that's what it is! I'm going to refuse to cook or clean until a) I receive an apology for this blatant disregard of my phobia, and b) Veevs changes her mind about the future and decides to become something more useful when she grows up. Like a pirate. Or a mermaid. (These are past favorites, but have fallen on hard times as the alligator scientist has gained momentum.) Now I'm just worried that no one will notice my cooking and cleaning strike.

5 comments:

Adrienne said...

Oh Heidi, you make me lol!! My favorite post--your romance novels! I seriously can't get past that one....I cannot picture you, Linz, and Cort sitting down to discuss these things! You girls are killing me softly.

Your list of famous people is quite long....I have had a few celeb encounters, but I don't actually know anyone famous. And for the record, Josh for sure counts--he should have been number one. I heard that organ recitals on public radio have a huge fan following, complete with groupies and roadies. Next time Josh plays live, maybe some undies will get thrown at him and land on his organ stops. :)

Leisha said...

Your blog is fabulous...now I can be a blog stalker too! We should definitely get together and chat sometime!

Celia and Scott said...

Ingrates? What about Traitors?!? Don't take that lying down!

Amy said...

that is just horrible the way you are being treated....I love to see what fears everyone has.. it makes mine not seem so bad.

monkie mama said...

I can't believe the torture you have to endure! I think I'll join the cooking and cleaning strike too--purely to show my support for your plight of course.

My family won't notice the cleaning part, but they'll probably actually rejoice about the cooking part ~ "What, Mom's not making us eat our vegetables?! Yippee, ice cream for every meal!!!" Won't they be sad (and feel bad for you too, since this is what the strike is all about) when we run out of groceries? Maybe my kids will then talk some sense into Veevs.

Let me know if there's anything else I can do to further your cause. Stop doing laundry? No more baths? All for you girl!