Saturday, January 19, 2008

How People Get From THERE to HERE

I'm totally fascinated by the way people navigate through blog world. I know how I do it: I go to one page and follow a link and follow another link and follow another link and then another, until I can't find my way back even if I want to. Even more interesting to me, though, is the way that total strangers find their way HERE, to my page.

My stat counter amuses me by giving me just enough of a glimpse into the process that I want to know even more. Here are some of the recent searches in Google that have led people HERE:

fear of alligators--Far and away, this is the number one Google search that leads people here. I'm not the only one, people, with this phobia. It's SOOOO good to have some company in the shallow end of the pool!

microphones in atonement--I gotta say, I'm kind of wondering who this person is. Like, is he wondering if Jesus used a microphone on the Sermon on the Mount? Is this a potential band name that he wanted to make sure wasn't taken? Trust me, dude. It's totally available.

pretty little teeSers--Well, yes, this one just made me want to puke. I've purposely changed the spelling, so that hopefully more pervs won't find their way here, but now I'm mostly worried that it will just be pervs who can't spell. I'm not sure which would be less welcome, quite frankly.

aligator (sic) used to teach kids swim--Great IDEA! Let's teach kids to swim with the alligators! That won't be harmful to their psyche in any way! Maybe we could offer swimming with the alligators as the next "experience" at Sea World! I think I've got a gold mine, here!

nits doing the dishes--I don't know what special kind of nits these are that do dishes, but I'll take them! As long as they'll live in my husband's hair and not mine. Nits are no longer welcome on my scalp, thank you very much!

peed pants--Yes, it happens every now and then. I have to wonder what inspired this search. Did someone just have an "accident" and turn to the web for confirmation and validation? Oh, you've come to the right place, little pants-wetter. Just put them in the wash immediately, that's all I ask!

alligator phobia--See? Lots and lots of hits with this one!

last name tingling--I knew that someone, somewhere would be interested in the Tingling Touches Club. Vindication at last!

pedicuredom--I've got a lot more going on than just pedicures, people. It's a freaking miracledom over here with me and my toes!

CHILDREN JUMP ON BED--I loved that this one was in all caps, like, HELP! MY CHILDREN ARE JUMPING ON BEDS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Neither do I. Move along to someone smart's blog, please!

lice--Oh, lice. Apparently, you are still alive and infecting heads all over the world. Most of my international visitors come from this search topic.

Nancy Drew boyfriend--Well, duh. His name is Ned Nickerson and he is H-O-T! He can't help it that his last name sounds like a horse sound. He can, however, help Nancy Drew solve mysteries.

I think I'm probably giving excellent, reliable information to others on all of the above topics. Thanks for visiting, everyone.

At the very least, I hope you have all learned to NEVER, never, NEVER flush a baby alligator down the toilet. Please?


Amy said...

I never worry too much about who stares at my blog...just because usually it is info that would bore anyone that doesn't know me or the fam. miss thang with your wit and banter are quite the comical genius! Been a fan since before the blawg!

Sibri said...

It's really interesting that you do that too! My top Googled search is for the Woodboro Baptist Church after I ranted about them last year! Didn't realise I was giving them publicity! ;0(

Charlie said...

My favorite way of browsing blos is through the "next Blog" thing on top of the page. That's how I found Randi's and, later, yours. My top googled search is "the onion's 'our dumb world'." I've added yours to my list of daily readings... Hope you don't mind...

Cynthia said...

following link to link, friend of a friend of a friend . . . I found your blog - I had to mark it as a favorite read. thanks

Jen said...

I'm kind of sheepish now that you probably know that I check your blog like fifty times a day. We don't have TV. That's my (feeble) excuse.

Mandy said...

Hah, thats great. People are funny aren't they? Well I love your fun stories. the alligators do rank as one of the favs though because who can explain a fear as well as you?

Keep them coming, you never know who you will get on your blog.

Melissa Bastow said...

You don't know me - but I love your blog!!! How creepy is that? No really, Marisa Brown (hopefully you know her) suggested I read it. Marisa is my cousin-in-law, and knows that since I have 3 young kids that I would really enjoy what you have to say. And you word things so well - it's very entertaining!! So thanks for letting complete strangers read this! (My favorite was when your daughter said that she didn't mind if Santa just walks over the stuff of the floor. Because I was thinking that exact thing on that exact day!)

Heidi said...

Melissa--Of course I know Marisa! And I'm glad you're visiting. It makes it feel like maybe blogging isn't SUCH a colossal waste of time . . .

Like, it's totally worth it for me to sit my kids in front of the TV for a half hour each day while I check my comments and stuff.

Leisha said...

I should have been keeping a list of all the strange searches that led people to my site.

The latest I can remember was "Shelly Beans". Which is more strange...that someone would do a search of that name or that they found it on my site?

Suzanne Barker said...

Ok, I have felt like such a voyeur and I'm busted! I tell people, I read this total strangers blog all the time because I enjoy it so much. Cynthia, up above, told me about it and I'm hooked. It's a hoot.