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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

F-150 and F-250

I don't want to say that we're nosy people. But, we're kind of nosy people.

Like, maybe when we were first married and living in an apartment, Rhett might just have used a cup on the ceiling of our apartment to listen in on the arguments of the couple who lived above us. Not that you needed any spy gadgetry. They were perfectly willing to yell obscenities at each other that the entire building could hear.

Or, Rhett might have used the peephole to keep himself informed on the comings and goings of the across the hall neighbors, who kept a dog when they weren't supposed to. Somehow, even with his extreme diligence, he missed it when they skipped out in the middle of the night, smearing their dog's used diapers down the hall and throughout their apartment. Oh, I miss apartment living.

Fortunately, we have other neighbors to spy on now, and we don't even have to listen to them argue. Unless we want to, and then I have to nonchalantly open the window and lay down on the floor in our front room so that they don't see me spying on their huge blow-up. Seriously? Who argues outside?

Our favorite set of neighbors right now is not the fighting couple. We've had our fill of that, thank you very much. Actually, we're totally enamored with a couple that we've only met once, at a neighborhood garage sale.

When we first moved in, the house across the street from us was occupied by a single man. We called him F-150, because he drove a Ford F-150 and we're totally creative with our nicknames. But pretty soon, we started noticing a Ford F-250 that was hanging around. At first it was just on the weekends. But then it started escalating more and more, and pretty soon I think even Rhett and I were wondering why she was bothering to pay rent anywhere else. Of course, we called her F-250. I'm not going to lie--we often wondered whether his manhood wasn't threatened by the fact that she drove a bigger truck than he did. But then Rhett pointed out that he got better gas mileage, which made us feel much more at ease with the whole arrangement.

Eventually, cohabitation occurred. But now we're really stymied. Because F-250 sold her truck and bought a Dodge Ram truck. And now F-150 is driving her Dodge to work, and she stays home with the F-150. See how complicated? Now we can't figure out if we should call her (the old F-250) F-150 and call him (the old F-150) Ram-bo.

I hate change. Especially in neighbors whom one knows almost nothing about. It really complicates our relationship.

11 comments:

Adrienne said...

Yes, Heidi that is a bit of a pickle. But I love spying on neighbors....I think we are all guilty at some point. Once my next door neighbor was SCREAMING at her son, and I acted like i couldn't help but hear it, but then I realized that I had inched closer to the window, completely shushed Kate, adn was standing motionless, not even breathing for fear I would miss hearing some of the argument. How nosy is that?

But have you ever seen the movie Disturbia? Talk about creepy spying! It was a thrill--I loved it!

Melissa Bastow said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only that is so interested in the neighbors (whom, I also know nothing about!) Our houses are so close together that I usually take a bit longer clearing off our dinner table just so I can catch a glimps of anything through the neighbors half-cracked kitchen window blinds. I also like to keep a mental log of all their weird nighttime visitors during my many trips to kids' rooms (or bathroom) during the night. Because really, what are they doing over there?! Oh, and I may or may not have made my husband call the police on them once. But that's why he called so that I don't have to take the blame. (And of course I cracked the window to see if I could hear what the cop said when he showed up!) But you know - being nosy is fun!!

JustRandi said...

My husband once actually called me Gladys - after Gladys Cravitz the nosy neighbor from Bewitched.
All because I was collecting info on a suspected drug dealer across the street. Nevermind that I was the only one who suspected him.

I loved your story. I'm voting for new nicknames since the truck thing seems hard to follow. How about Rambo and Xena?

Jen said...

I must say, Aunt Petunia's neck shape that was ideal for craning and spying on the neighbors was one of the first items that made me fall madly in love with the Harry Potter books.

Queen Elizabeth said...

I love it. I get ticked off when my neighbors (who are NOT stay at home moms) stay home for the day during the week and NOT on a holiday. I feel like they're invading MY domain. You are hilarious.

Matt, Karin and Sienna said...

Darn it- Sienna just woke up. I can't fully comment. That is great though. Who goes from an F-250 to a dodge though, seriously.

Jordan & Lindsey Ohlson said...

PS- you are an excellent blog commentor leaver ... I like watching couples in church b/c you can totally tell who is fighting. They usually are sitting far apart(even when there are no children between them) and then the wife will try to make eye contact with the husband...but he just ignores her. There is always one couple every Sunday.

Leisha said...

I think I have a new church pasttime thanks to the above comment.

Our next door neighbors came over one day dripping wet asking if we wanted to go swimming with them in their new pool. They saw me and my kids spying on them from my sons bedroom.

Was I embarassed? Sure. Did I go swimming? You betcha!

Jill said...

When you spy on the neighbors, be sure to turn off the lights in the room you are in, and peek very carefully between the curtains. (This is something I learned from my mother)
I think your neighbor only likes his woman for her truck.
In our last neighborhood, our houses were so close together that if anyone left their blinds open, you could see everything in their house.
In our new house, we are at a greater distance from the neighbors, and quite frankly, everyone is pretty quiet.
It's nice.

Mandy said...

I need more nicknames for my neighbors. We just have the weird ones across the street. And nothing for everyone else. Oh and those crazy people who live around the corner. :) Hah j/k we love those crazy people!

Corrine said...

You crack me up, I have spent several minutes now reading your posts, and you rock! I love the whole nickname thing that is great! and such a dilema did y'all come up with a good name for them? I like the Rambo...