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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Problem with the Internet

I think I may have mentioned before that Rhett is sickly. A lot. And sure, we could blame it on the fact that his mother didn't breastfeed him, but honestly, let's not get into that argument. It's a little too touchy for some people.

I would say that Rhett is a hypochondriac, except that doctors always seem to back him up. He's always diagnosed with a sinus infection or bronchitis or, most recently, a staph infection. Did you read that right? STAPH INFECTION. In one of my very first posts months and months and months ago, I mentioned that Rhett cheerfully keeps visiting StyleAmerica, even though they gave him ringworm on his head. Well, guess what? Months and months and months later, it turns out it actually was a staph infection.

We can all feel sorry for Rhett and stuff, but really, you guys? I've been sleeping in the same bed with him for months and months and months. So let's throw the sympathy my way, instead, okay?

But that's not the point of this post, although it proves my point about Rhett picking up sicknesses and disease from every possible source. (By the way, don't mention that I wrote about this to Rhett, okay? He's a little bit sensitive about contracting a staph infection from StyleAmerica.)

My real point is this: The other day Rhett was home sick from work with a fever, sore throat, and other stuff that was passed on to him by our children. Rhett's always like, "Heidi, be careful: Spe's sick and you just drank out of his cup." And I just roll my eyes and say, "It's just baby germs, Rhett."

And then I go lip kiss my babies and Rhett goes and sanitizes his hands. Then Rhett gets sick and I stay perfectly healthy.

Anyway, Rhett was home sick. He had weird red dots on his fingers and hands and so we called The Expert, my dad, the podiatrist.

The Expert said, "Hmmm. Well, if they don't go away in a couple of days you should go see a doctor. That can be a sign of some pretty weird stuff."

But Rhett wanted to know what kind of weird stuff, so he turned to our friend, the Internet. Following a simple yes or no questionnaire ("Do you have pus-filled sores on your back and face? Yes? Then you might have acne. See a dermatologist."), he finally found the perfect description for his symptoms.

"Do you have red dots on your fingers and toes that occurred after a headache or fever?"

He called me in to see the diagnosis.

"YOU MAY HAVE SYPHILIS."

And then I started laughing hilariously. And then I stopped laughing and said, "Hey, do you have something you want to tell me?"

He shot me a dirty look which meant Don't be ridiculous! so then I continued laughing hilariously.

I'm just wondering though, was The Expert trying to warn me that my husband had syphilis? Is that what he meant by "weird stuff"?

PS--The dots went away by themselves. And no, Rhett doesn't have syphilis. But I'm still laughing hilariously.

15 comments:

Natalie said...

Too funny. So I'm thinking maybe Rhett shouldn't go back to that place again...ever. And if he refuses to thwart StyleAmerica over one teeny tiny case of Staph, well, can he at least go equipped with a can of Lysol...or maybe just a big jug of bleach?

jennie w. said...

I'm new to your blog. I like your randomness, so keep it coming. My husband is a total hypochondriac. He won't ever go to the doctor, though. He just sits around complaining all day. It's dreamy.

JustRandi said...

I have no idea what StyleAmerica is, but I will never ever go there.

And dangit! The way those dr's back up our hypochondriacs - you'd think they were in a fraternity or something!

Amy K said...

What is StyleAmerica? It doesn't sound good, thats for sure. That poster is sooo funny!

Heather said...

Oh my. I think the competition I mentioned on my blog and then felt really silly about once your read it, IS ON!!! My "quirk award" husband is also a hypochondriac!
And since he's also funny, he often-times says things like, "look at this weird bump...or rash...or dot, and says things like, "it's syphillis." Just to be funny, mind you. But still....

The Rookie said...

I think my favorite part of all of this is that "You can't beat the Axis if you get VD." Classic propoganda!

I am itching all over just thinking about the strange things Rhett brings home.

And I am recalling that in my first year and a half of teaching I was sick, read: frequently. And suddenly this year I have (knock on wood) the immune system of (insert something with an incredibly mutant-strong immune system for that perfect metaphor here because I'm drawing a blank). You don't get sick because you taught in public school--home of many a strange microscopic species passed by many a strange method (which give StyleAmerica a run for their money big time). That is my theory.

Yvonne said...

Loved this. I got such a kick out of the "Heidi, be careful: Spe's sick and you just drank out of his cup." Your response is perfect--after all they are just baby germs!!!

There has to be a better place to go for a haircut than StyleAmerica ; )

Karin said...

That is hilarious and where did you find that poster? Never look symptoms up on the internet. I did once for Sienna and it had me freaking out that she could have Leukemia.

I love Ivy's poem. Also, I would love it if my kids sang "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" And "Buffalo Soldier."

Cathy said...

Aren't all men Hypochondriacs? And don't they all lie around and complain and never go to the doctor? When I did daycare, all the kids had chicken pox at the same time, then my husband came down with it, guess who was the biggest baby?!

Julia said...

Hilarious ... my DH was a hypocondiac before he went to medical school, now he thinks he's Superman. I'm just waiting for a good case of staph to bring him back down to earth.
Oh, and could he have had Hand Foot Mouth disease? It's a child's disease, but adults can get it too. Rash on just hands and feet, and in the mouth (sore throat) and a fever. It goes away in a few days and is harmless, but very contagious. Maybe he got at the hair salon?? (I think I'm a doctor since my husband when to med school :)

Julia said...

oops, hypochondriac ... meant to fix that before post ... oh well

Carol said...

Suspected syphilis? I blame his upbringing in S.Ogden personally.

BTW, next time you need a diagnosis call me because reading your dad's response made me realise I am clearly as qualified as an expert as he is.

I love that he is still a little sickly, makes me so happy inside that the the Boy Hadley part of him still lives on.

Oh and 70-100 hits a day? Wow, you are hella popular my dear!

Leisha said...

That is so funny!

My Mom has stopped consulting me about medical conditions because I whip up WebMD and it usually ends badly for everyone...brain tumors for headaches and all that jazz.

P.S. Spe is such a little stylin' stud in nursery...I love his shoes and hair.

kristin said...

I'm new to your blog tooo, but I just had to say that that poster has me in stitches!! Soooo funny! I also like your randomness. I suppose it's because I can get off on a tangent and then forget what I was originally talking about. It's sort of embarrassing, especially when you're talking to your husband's boss!

Amy Pennington said...

he and I are so alike...I heard my honey and kid ran into you at the store. here's hoping you don't get the staph!