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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's Like . . . Reality, Man.

This weekend we spent some time with some good friends of ours, the Benches. We love them for a number of reasons, not just because when Spe says their names it sounds like he's calling them something that no one should be called. It always puts me in a good mood to hear him.

In the course of conversation, Landon said something like, "I think it's so great how you're marriage comes across as being real." He meant it as a compliment, and I take it as a compliment. Because it's true: with Rhett and I, what you see is what you get. We won't hide the fact that it annoys the crap out of Rhett that I keep a Mt. Whitney-sized pile of worn clothing beside the bed. We won't hide the fact that I get peeved when Rhett calls three minutes after I leave Target and says, "What did you spend $24.32 on at Target? Can you take it back?" But also we don't hide the fact that we genuinely enjoy each other's company, that we enjoy the give and take that is our marriage immensely.

But later that night, I was just waiting to fall asleep, listening to Rhett's rhythmic breathing as he slept. I thought about what it means to have a real marriage. I thought about how different a real marriage is from an ideal marriage. I thought about how much compromise and sacrifice and craziness and patience has been required on both of our parts to have our real marriage, much less an ideal marriage.

I reached over and put my hand on Rhett's chest. In his sleep, he reached up and held my hand there with both of his. I smiled into the darkness. It felt, well, ideal.

And then he started snoring. So I kicked him until he shifted positions. And just like that, we were back to reality. Quite honestly, that felt like a pretty good place to be.

16 comments:

jennie w. said...

Excellent and sooo true. i have a very real marriage.

The Rookie said...

I have a love/hate relationship with anything ideal. While the ideal is sometimes the thing that keeps you going--all that hope and work you put into making that thing better, the reality of a thing is often good enough.

And, once again, might I say that the notion of sharing my bed with another human being (I meant that in a non-Biblical euphemism kind of way) seems anything but ideal to me. Snoring, loud breathing, and radiating body heat push me far from the sleep I so crave.

And that was a long comment on a subject I really know nothing about. Must be the English major in me.

Heather said...

I kick my very real husband right out of the bed...
I have been reading about your crazy antics on this beautiful blog and not commenting and then suddenly there you are commenting on mine? How did you do that? I thought I was a stranger spying on your life without being noticed! And I've mentioned your hilarity on my blog! I feel so sheepish...
fullcircle_doula@yahoo.com
Please email sometime and let me know how you came to read "this and not that" And thank you by the way - I love knowing I'm not the only one...

Kiera said...

You are so funny. I have a very real marriage too. and I love it!

Cathy said...

Thank you for your very "real" definition and comment. You don't know me, I have read your blog for sometime I got it from a friend of mine, Suzanne Barker. So the Best to you and your family from Mesa, Arizona

Jen said...

Awesome post! We are "real" as well, sometimes to the discomfort of others..:) And just yesterday..."What did you buy for $124 at Target on Sunday?" Sheesh.

Karin said...

I'd take a real marriage any day. You are hilarious and I still can't get enough of your posts.

Karin

Julia said...

I think every ideal marriage melts into reality eventually, or just comes apart if you can't cope with reality!

Jen said...

I'm glad that he just snored. My sweetie woke up thinking that he was gagging on a bolt the other night and ran into the bathroom to try to get the imaginary thing out. We like to keep it real around here, too. Real sleep-deprived, that is.

Carol said...

Did I ever tell you how happy I am that you married Rhett??

bill, katie, and co. said...

Why is it that I can't get through ANY of your posts without falling off my chair from TOTAL HYSTERIA!?!?! You're killin' me. Again...and again. Dang, you're good, Girl!

Carie Ann Wall said...

Ok, so glad you found me because you have made my day! Sounds like Brent and I. WELL SAID! I had a tear and my eye and then started to laugh! I love it when I am able to have both emotions going at the same time. The target thing sounds like Brent! It drives me crazy too. Thanks for giving me a smile this morning!

Sue said...

I love this post Heidi. Your last two paragraphs say it all. Love it.

Leisha said...

I'm snorting Pepsi through my nose on the Target one! Were our husband's separated at birth?

Jill said...

You know, if you get cash back at the grocery store, you can take it to Target and spend it there on anything you want, and he'll never know.

Not that I've ever done that.

Yeah, my DH does that too;0)

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Reality doesn't bite that much, huh;).