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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Alone. . . Really.

I've realized that there aren't that many things that I miss from my carefree, pre-Mom life. I mean, of course, I miss teaching high school. And I miss being able to sleep. Oh, and I miss being able to just get out of my car and walking straight into Target or Wal-Mart or wherever without having to unstrap a zillion straps. And I miss sleeping. Did I mention that one already?

But really, not that much. The one thing that I miss the most though--going to the bathroom alone.

Seriously, I can't remember the last time I got to go to the bathroom alone during my children's waking hours. Sure, I've tried shutting the door and locking it, but it's just as annoying to look at those little waggling chubby fingers under the door and listen to their constant yelling, "Mom, when are you coming out? Are you almost done now? What about NOW? Are you washing your hands now? Are you coming out? I'm waiting! I'm still waiting!"

So I just started going to the bathroom with the door open. It's just easier that way. Sure, my kids may need therapy down the road, but hey, didn't we all? For something or other? I figure if seeing their mother go to the bathroom is all my kids need therapy for, then I've done an awesome job. Right?

I've gotten so used to the open-door policy that one time I forgot to close the stall door in a public restroom. Oh, that was a little embarrassing (fortunately, there wasn't anybody in there, but still) but not near as embarrassing as it would have been having people hear my children yelling to me over the stall, "Did you go pee, Mom? Are you peeing? Do you need help? Are you wiping now?" So it's all relative.

Next Mother's Day, I'm going to send my kids off on an outing with their dad. And then, I'm going to the bathroom.

That's heavenly.

27 comments:

JustRandi said...

so funny! And I know whatcha mean. I got so used to leaving the door open that sometimes I still do. I mean, it's not like the door is right in front of them or anything. It's down the hall.
Oh, the therapy my kids will go through.

Sara said...

You have such a perfect way of expressing how I feel, and I'm sure how so many other mom's feel. You are truly awesome!

Bob said...

I hope you can hold it that long!

Carol said...

Our house is just one story so it is impossible to go anywhere alone. My personal favourite is not just that I have to be in the company of at least one preschool boy I have to have whatever I eliminate inspected and thoroughly praised. I don't recall signing up for that!

Carol said...

Clearly it's past my bedtime that is supposed to read as storey.

Queen Elizabeth said...

So incredibly true. My 3 year old not only HAS to attend the "services" - he HAS to flush. So, when we're in a public restroom and he's flushing and yells, "Mom you did [insert bodily function #1 or #2 here] in the potty?!?!" - I want to die.

D said...

Oh yes.. And now in order to make sure that my newborn doesn't get too many smothering hugs while I am in the bathroom, I invite my two year old to come with me. Hmmmm...

We had to train my Mom to close the door again once we got older. I'm afraid I will be the same way. Whenever I go to visit anyone else's house I have to remind myself to shut the door- usually with the toddler with me in the bathroom. I have a lot more sympathy for my Mom now.

ajhcreative said...

Amen girl! I wish men understood how amazing it is for a mom to go potty by herself. Alone time, what is that????

Melissa Bastow said...

I used to go with the door open until we moved to this house where the main level bathroom just happens to be in full view of the big sliding doors, which happens to be about 9 feet from the neighbor's kitchen window. And I'm just not comfortable with that kind of....neighborly free-ness. I've been enjoying the kid free toilet-time so much that I even put some vinyl lettering on the bathroom wall that says, "The bliss of solitude." Of course "bliss" also requires ignoring the screaming on the other side of the door - - that and mastering the SPEED PEE.

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

You're a crack up... I've decided that motherhood is all about bodily functions and fluids. Seriously. We wipe them, get them on our hands, clean the off the floors, wash them out of sheets... The list goes on. This is our lives have come to.

Sue said...

Hee hee hee SO TRUE.

I just linked ya.

a.men said...

So funny and true!

Alison Wonderland said...

I totally do that! Like d, in order to protect the life of my baby I get to take a 2 year old with me but I didn't bother shutting the door even before the latest was born. Heck, I haven't shut a bathroom door for 8 years!
The best is trying to pee (and wipe) while holding an infant. talk about fun!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

That's the good thing about motherhood - it makes you appreciate the little things.

Matt, Karin, and Sienna said...

Sienna loves when I go to the bathroom and she is always saying, "potty-tinky" and gets the biggest kick out of it. It's kind of been nice because she is so interested in the potty that she has started going in the potty herself.

Matt hates when Sienna follows him to the bathroom so he shuts the door and she just stands there knocking the whole time saying, "daddy, potty" and won't leave him alone. I find it hilarious but he hates it.

Oh P.S. Your kids were so cute on Sunday. I love watching Ivy and Spe together.

Leisha said...

So, SO true. I especially enjoy it when they say, "I can hear someone going poo Mom!" or they say "It stinks in here!" in a public restroom. Mortifying.

Once I left the door to the stall open. At church. I didn't even realize it. Hopefully I would have if someone walked in.

Jill said...

I've discovered that nothing good can happen if I'm in the bathroom alone. If they are in there with me, at least I know where they are and what they're doing.
I have been known to ask the kids to go ahead and call all the neighbors and invite them to come into the bathroom with the rest of us.

turtle said...

I. Absolutely. Did this to my mother.

And 7 years later, I clearly remember my TWO brothers doing this, also.

Mom.



MOM!



MOM MOM MOM!

MOM WHERE ARE YOOOU!?

CAN YOU HEAR ME!?



ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?????

Jenny said...

another AMEN! :)

The Motherboard said...

So, THAT's why I leave the bathroom door open! I got sick of those little fingers under the door and the banging on the door. The most embarrassed I've been is when I had to take my daughter and niece to the bathroom at a VERY public place. Hearing them go made me have to go. My niece yelled out "Auntie, you have a vagina TOO??" and my daughter yelled out "Mom great job! You pooped!"
Yes. I wanted to die. Right there. Cause you could totally hear all the snickers from the other stalls!

The Rookie said...

Bless mothers! I guess I shouldn't fear that I've traumatized a random child or two too much when they duck UNDER the public restroom stall to say "hi" to me while they're waiting for Mom to finish. Apparently they're used to adult females in this vulnerable position.

Jen said...

You're a princess. That's all there is to it.

Brooke said...

Well it's even better when you're trying to secretly do the #2 in Wal-mart and your 3 year old son says, "Shew, mommy, you stink."

Me: "Jack sweetie, that's not mommy!"

HAHAHHAHHAHA!!!!!!

I found you through Sue and she is right.....you are hilarious!!!!!

Yvonne said...

Absolutely right.

I got into the habit of always leaving the bathroom door open--much easier that way.

T is for Thompson said...

Led here by Sue...My personal favorite is when I'm potty-ing in a public restroom and my daughter announces, "Mommy pooped!" I'm glad, as I'm sure the other potty patrons are, that everyone knows what business I'm conducting.

T is for Thompson said...

I forgot to mention that my two-year-old will follow anyone that's at our house into the bathroom. They will, of course, shut the door on her, but the whole time they're doing their duty, she will bang on the door and jiggle the handle, all while asking what they're doing.

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Don't think that this trend will end anytime soon, Heidi. Mine are 11 & 16 and STILL yak at me through the door if I happen to shut it. Which I do sometimes.

Same for baths. Until I told them THEY had to leave the door open while they bathed, so people could prance in and out to ask them uber important questions that simply could not wait.