Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Another Stab?

You know, I'm kind of feeling lazy. So please, please, please, enjoy this reprinted patriotic post in honor of our newest presidential inauguration. I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty sure people have cried from the beauty of my patriotic past. I'm just saying.

It's come to my attention that my last post on patriotism (sort of) caused no feelings of inspiration whatsoever. I can't imagine why. What could be more patriotic than "Freedom's Pitter-Patter"? (And yes, I'll work on getting a clip of it for you. It will change your life.)

To right this travesty against patriotic people everywhere, I'll pull another inspiring story from my own life that is related to Our Country's Great Heritage. What could be more representative of Our Great Heritage than the monument that spans an entire mountain? You know, the one that singlehandedly brings more people to South Dakota each year than the number of people who actually live in South Dakota.

Yes, I'm talking about Mt. Rushmore. I have always loved this monument for several reasons:

1) It's so American to have a monument that is made out of a mountain. I love the hubris of the whole deal.

2) Who doesn't love a monument that is dedicated to George Washington (the father of our nation), Thomas Jefferson (the primary author of the Declaration of Independence), Abraham Lincoln (who freed the slaves and kept the Union together), and Teddy Roosevelt (who is primarily famous for taking a staid name like Theodore and making it cute by shortening it to 'Teddy'. Oh, and the teddy bear is named after him. Why is he on the monument, anyway?)? What's not to love?

3) Until I was in the EIGHTH GRADE, I believed the sculptor of this monument was GOD.

I really believed God loved these presidents (and yes, even then I was confused as to why he loved Teddy, but whatever. Some things you just have to take on faith.), and made the wind sculpt their faces on to the mountains.

Imagine my deep disappointment when I took US History in the eighth grade and stumbled across a picture like the following in my textbook:

The sculpting of Mt. Rushmore involved blasting dynamite, followed by the process of honeycombing.
(Yeah, I don't know what that means, either.)

WHA? That certainly wasn't how I pictured God. Did this mean God didn't love those Presidents? Did this mean God didn't care how the teddy bear got its name? Did this mean he loved the people in Holland as much as he loved the people in America? How could that be? Did this mean God didn't love me enough to let the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear (before I made a fool of myself in JUNIOR HIGH) that maybe, just maybe, there had been some other force (like dynamite, for example) at work here beside divine providence?

Shattered that day: Faith. Patriotism. Self-esteem. (Because, really, only an idiot wouldn't have figured that out on their own.)

But don't worry. I rebounded quickly.


Carol said...

Classic Heidi! Love it!
Note to self: Never have 7 children, the middle one's are a bit mental, but loveable!

Anonymous said...

Since being lucky enough to hear Freedoms pitter patter I can say I am changed woman! :) Thanks for sharing and I especially like the THIRD piano run! I feel so patriotic now, maybe more towards another Asian country, but patriotic just the same.

Bob said...

Valerie, Parker and myself went to Mount Rushmore last year. It was great and inspiring! I've been there before, since I am from beautiful Minnesota.

The only thing that would make it better is if it had, close your eyes now Heidi, a sculpture of Ronald Reagan!!

Leisha said...

Wellllll, I think God really DID sculpt it, you know, as in he inspired the consciousness of mankind to construct a monument...blah, blah, blah.

That really made me laugh.

Are Rhett's sick bugs out of your house yet? Ours are gone...I feel a playdate coming on!

Celia and Scott said...

I must say that this post has inspired me to run for president. Or since the primaries are almost over and I don't have 72 ba-jillion dollars to help throw my hat in the ring, and since I have no practical experience whatsoever, maybe I'll run for mayor of Bozeman, Montana. Or maybe I'll write a letter to my congressman about improving public education or the Darfur crisis. Well ... maybe I'll just go outside and pick up some trash to help beautify our nation. On second thought, I'm a little bit tired so maybe I'll just read your post again and call it good.

Melissa Bastow said...

That's hilarious. It reminds me of something my cousin would tell me - she once told me that it took her until somewhere in adulthood to realize why special needs kids ride the "short bus" when it's just as tall as all the other buses. I, of course, have never made dumb mistakes like that....or I've repressed them all to better my mental health (which is the more likely of the two.) Very funny story though - OH, and I am feeling VERY patriotic now!

The Rookie said...

I really (okay, maybe there was some hyperbole in that "really") wish I were around here a few more billion years to see what time and erosion do to the faces of these four. Can president's get a face lift? Does it involve honeycombing?

Sue said...

Ha! I love it, and I can totally picture your deflation upon learning the TRUTH. Vunderbar.

Jen said...

I'm with National Treasure 2 on this. There is really a conspiracy to hide a landmark that leads to an amazing archaeological find. Maybe Teddy was the one who figured that out?

Valerie said...

Ahhh, Mount Rushmore, or as Parker prefers to call it "The Heads." Very inspiring. I love the fact that you were so "innocent" to believe that God had made it. Maybe it wasn't "innocence." Maybe it was "ignorance." Either way, very funny!

Amy K said...

O.k. Heids, you are officially my favorite blog. I need to find a night so I can go back through all the old stuff. Everything I read makes me laugh because I can see you talking the words. It really is a funny thing! I want to talk to you too - email me your phone number and I'll call you.

I tagged you on my site for a fun list. I'm sure you will think up some good ones, cant wait.

Sara said...

I concur with amy k, you are pure entertainment- and I need to work in that word "hubris" somewhere in a post:)

Sara said...

what does hubris mean?

Jeremiah Nielson said...

heidi! i'm so so happy i found your blog, i saw heather at a wedding reception last week & she told me to look you up. I MISS YOU! i need you to e-mail me your address so we can at least communicate through christmas cards or something. so e-mail me, you'll always be one of my favorite people, and now with this blog, you can still make me laugh. love you! courtney :) here's my blog-

Valerie said...

I just realized I didn't put that I was kidding about the whole "ignorance" part. I was kidding, I hope you know that!

Amy said...

ok this was hilarious to me... no wonder you are such a cool adult. You recovered nicely from this earth shattering experience of believing something was an artistic creation from God only to find out it was man made from dynamite:) Classic..You are too funny. I gotta say I am with Leisha on this one...
this is one place I would love to go. thanks for reminding me:) You rock..haha

Laura said...

I always love reading your posts. You absolutely crack me up. I made my blog private, but I don't have your email to invite you. Email me at laura_whipple at Thanks!

Josh said... are on a roll. The last two blogs are my favorites and I love the patriotic theme. Really, there has to be a way you can record and post Freedom's Pitter Patter. It's truly special. But seeing you play it...with that look of determination, the body movement, and the delicate juxtaposing hand what really sells this piece.