CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sorry, I'm Lame

So, yeah. I'm pretty lame at blogging lately, no?

I would really love to give you a good reason, like I'm pregnant! Or like I've been in Hawaii for the last month! Or like I've been so busy volunteering at the homeless shelter that I just have been too exhausted to think about myself and my blog.

But you know me better than that. The truth is I'm not pregnant (DOCTOR'S ORDERS, remember?), I wouldn't know what a vacation was if it came and slapped me in the face, and I'm hopelessly selfish, so the homeless shelter thing? Not so much.

I've pretty much just been lazy. And tired. And maybe I'm having a few anxiety attacks.

It's normal, right? You pull up to the Wal-mart with your three kids in tow and you think, Okay, what will I do with my children if there is a serial gunman inside shooting everyone at random? My big plan so far? Go hide behind the big flat screen TV boxes. But I'm really worried about how to keep my kids quiet. How long can I keep them occupied with fruit snacks before the serial gunman discovers us and shoots us all and leaves my husband a childless widower consumed with grief and bitterness at all the beauty (me) that has been taken from him so cruelly?

Don't you think about stuff like that too? Don't get me started on my plans for if our car gets submerged underwater with three kids in car seats.

So anyway. Sorry I'm so lame. That's all I have to say about that.

26 comments:

Sibri said...

Somewhat! I live on the top floor of an apartment building (19th) and have done for the last two years. Each and every time I enter this lift to go up (I have no idea why not on the way down)I am paralised with fear that it is going to drop, this fear is heightened as the lift climbs higher! Whwn we reach the top, I rush out of the lift and onto my floor at breakneck speed so as it won't drop just as I'm walking out and thereby slicing me in half. What a way to live eh?

the MomBabe said...

Dude, multiple carseats affects almost every decision I make. Seriously. And don't get me started on the anxiety of carseat PLACEMENT.

Melanie J said...

My gunman always lurks at the corner market (okay, liquor store) when I have to run over there because I forgot eggs and I don't want to go back to the big market.

But I don't bring my kids, so mostly I just have to figure out what my husband will do as a single dad and whether or not I would want to haunt any new wife he might find himself.

I do think if he remarries, I want him to find someone hotter than me though, because if he married down, it would cause me to question my own hotness in some strange way.

So I think I'm crazier than you.

Jillybean said...

You should do what I do and just never drive anywhere near water.

Jillybean said...

When you were a kid did you jump from your bedroom door on to the top of your bed so the scary creatures hiding under your bed couldn't grab your ankles?

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

I still think you're awesome. Crazy, but awesome.

Beck said...

Ugh. Some times just suck, don't they?
But don't worry. God loves you. He won't just drop you on your head.
xo

Beck said...

HAHAH! Oh no! I just left you a comment meant for someone else!
It's still kind of appropriate - I'm sure God won't drop you on your head, either.
As for panic attacks - yeah, moi aussi. I panic when I'm in our CAR - we're going to get in a fatal accident! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIE! It makes me an awesome passenger.

Carol said...

Heidi may I suggest you give them chocolate as a snack instead? The novelty of chocolate keeps my kids quieter way longer than fruit snacks!

And maybe you should consider shopping at Target instead......

Veronica said...

Also, what if that big tree crashed through the roof of your daughters' room, smashing the windows and scattering glass everywhere? How would you carry all your kids out of the wreckage? And does this mean you should keep your shoes on just in case?

janel said...

Going to Walmart with three kids is enough to induce anxiety all by itself--even sans serial killer and TV boxes. And even with a serious stash of fruit snacks.

Heather of the EO said...

Well, as I'm free falling to the water, I begin rolling down the windows as fast as I can and unbuckling my seat belt. Then I'll be able to jump into the back and start unbuckling as soon as we hit the water. All the while, I'll be pushing 5 down on my cell phone as that rings my husband on speed dial. I'll then just lay down the phone and scream HELP we're under water and scream the location. Meanwhile I will have released the kids from the belts and one under each arm, I'll swim to the windows and to the surface.

I live in the state where the I35 bridge collapsed. Can you tell?

Anonymous said...

Who worries about the killer in Walmart. Mine is the robber/killer at the bank. Therefore I only go to the drive up window. If I see any strange activity going on inside I just drive away. As for the car in the lake I don't drive with kids in the car when I'm by water.

Ruth Ann said...

Okay seriously Heidi, you are hilarious! Thanks for giving me your blog address...mine is so boring in comparison! Matt and I laughed out loud! Thanks, I needed that tonight!

The Rookie said...

You crack me up. And a blogging hiatus or two never hurt anyone.

As for your worst case scenario gunman: another plan might be to hit the counter in the sporting goods section. After all, they are the ones who probably sold him the gun.

Amy K said...

My situation is always getting them all out if the car catches fire while I am filling up with gas. You cant open the door of the van while the pump is in. I get anxiety every time. I totally understand. Glad to read something from you again!

soawesomeimightgetarrested said...

One word...Zanax.

I hopped to your blog from heaven knows where:) Very cute, glad your back.

JustRandi said...

Oh my gosh Jillybean, I always did that!
Glad you're back Heidi!

Melissa Bastow said...

Some people -like my mother- tell me I'm crazy because I think about stuff like this all the time. But I think it's totally normal. Because I'm TOTALLY NORMAL.

I won't take my kids inside a bank because what if a robber comes in while we're there? And what if he has a gun? And what if he straps bombs to all of us? And then the SWAT team shows up and then he decides that I would make a great hostage to leave the bank with?

Holy cow...I need a paper bag....

Sarah Anne said...

I have pool noodles in my car just for that reason. I live right across from Portland, OR, I have to cross a bridge if I want to get anywhere. I know I can't swim with 3 children who can't swim, hence the pool noodles. I'll yell at the older two to grab them and hold on tight, then I'll swim with the baby.

My husband thinks I'm a freak. I'll politely send him here next time he needs some perspective.

Fruit snacks!? I had to stop those 7 capped teeth ago. May I suggest duct tape. They carry that at Wal-Mart, right?

heather said...

i totally used to think like that, but i have found a way to free my thoughts up a bit. :)

heather said...

thanks for coming by my blog. come again!

Yvonne said...

I only worry about my children and grandchildren--but I did plenty of worrying when I was young.

Sara said...

okay, not only are your posts always genius, but the comments are a riot too. i just wrote about how i'm going to get myself a gun today, maybe that would come in handy for you too? we could take a target practice lesson together and then wear our guns under our mom jeans in sexy garters ready to defend our dear children...are you in?:)

Heath&Wendy said...

You are so funny. I was laughing out loud. Sadly, I have a hard time finding the humor in my day.
Thanks for sharing yours.

Danielle said...

Okay, seriously, I thought I was a total freak because I am Paranoid about being submerged or getting my children out in time if there is a car wreck with a fire or if we get rear-ended by a semi and my two oldest will be in the third row seat in my van. I'm with the lady who carries the pool noodles. Great idea!!! My husband believes I'm paranoid as well, but the news is great for causing us already worrying mothers to go into a panic anytime we think about doing anything with our children!! Just glad to know I'm not alone.