How did you come up with the name Tingling Touches?

I'm pretending that someone actually asked that question, although no one did. Have you no curiosity for my ultra-cool and exclusive club, people? None?

I believe I've mentioned before that we (me, my sister Linz, and my sister Bucky) are writing romance novels just to be funny (well and also to get on "Oprah", because how could she not want to interview these three sisters who have written really cheesy romance novels?). I believe I've also mentioned that we call ourselves "The Tingling Touches Club". But I don't think I've mentioned how this club received its name.

Well, it started as a way to poke fun at our favorite cheesy romance novelist (I will not put her name, as that earned me some nasty blog comments the last time I did that--stupid Internet search function . . .). SHE has an internet romance club that you can join to receive clean romance novels each month. I don't want to end up on HER search computer thingy again, so I'll just tell you that HER club title is something like this: Endearing Encounters or Loving Ladies. Except it involves the word captivating, coupled with that thing that people do with their lips. . . See the alliteration? See the cheesiness?

Well, while we were mired in the very important issue of trying to come up with a good name for our club, we decided to skip to the good stuff and read our novels out loud to each other for feedback. We found this little jewel in Linz's novel:

"When Cam touched her arm, Blair felt a tingle that ran through her whole body, but she was determined not to let it show on her cheeks."

Thus, thanks to that one classic line, we became "Tingling Touches". And thanks to my deep love for chocolate and sugar, we also started having snacks at every meeting. And in a way, we are also responsible for the formation of another exclusive club, "The Financial Fascists".

"The Financial Fascists" is made up of Rhett and Linz's husband Jordy (they are the only two tight enough to be members). Because we got together so often, they got together too, and decided to form a club as well (So really their club is just an offshoot of the Tinglers; we consider them junior members--sort of like the Brownies to the Girl Scouts). Although theirs is a much dorkier club (I know, you thought it wasn't possible to be dorkier than a romance novel club) because they get on the Internet and research mutual fund returns, stocks, etc. Also, they discuss strategies for curbing their wives' spending habits. Sounds like a winner, doesn't it? I wouldn't join it if they paid me.

Because they don't have treats. Too expensive!

My BIG Three

The time has come. I can no longer fob you off with pathetic excuses. I know you are dying to know the plot to my romance novel. (Actually, no one has even asked about it. Hmmm . . .)

Here's my big three:

Character Names: Meghan and Grant. Fortunately there is no one close to me with either of these names, so no one will think I am basing these characters on them. Not that anyone would think that anyway, as these characters are so out of touch with real life it's scary.

Setting: O, Pioneers! Sort of. This takes place in the Oklahoma Territory sometimes during settlement (so like mid-1800ish). I have done absolutely no research whatsoever for this novel, so I have no clue what that means. That's what I like about writing romance novels. It ain't rocket science! Plus, I've read all of The Little House on the Prairie series, AND I've read Sarah, Plain and Tall so I feel well-qualified to write this novel about prairie life. I mean I AM well-qualified.

What's Keeping This Perfectly Matched Couple from Realizing Their Destiny? Tragedy. Plain and simple tragedy. See, Meghan was married previously to a man who was abusive. She finally worked up the courage to leave him, but he walked in on her packing. One thing led to another, yadda, yadda, yadda, and she ends up shooting him. She leaves him in a pool of his own blood, and flees, catching the first train out of there. Oh, tragedy! She ends up in Oklahoma City, now a murderess, and gets a job teaching school (just the kind of person who should be shaping young minds!). Because she teaches in a small town, she boards with local families. Grant is the understanding, sweet, kind, handsome and patient son of one of the families she boards with and so . . . well, let's just say tragedy bows to the power of love. As always. Except. Her husband really didn't die, and he comes looking for her! Eeek!

Hope this satisfies your need to tingle for the day.

Bucky's Big Three

Right, have you been on the edge of your seat waiting to find out how Bucky solved the big three dilemma? Me too. Except I already know. Just for those who are behind on my blog (which is about everyone, I'm sure), here's the deal--my sisters and I (aka The Tingling Touches Club) are writing romance novels mostly to be funny and I'm recapping the plots and high points for everyone. Sounds like fabulous blog material, doesn't it?

1) Setting--Bucky's not exactly sure when her novel is set, but from the conveyances, dresses, and plot, we kind of think it must be Regency England time period. Except for her hero is always saying things like "heck" or "darn" which I don't think existed back then. At least the main characters in Pride and Prejudice never say them . . . Oh, well, everyone has their right to break their setting (it's a little reminiscent of the A-line dresses with cap sleeves, right?).

2) Main Character Names--Kate and Caden, which you know, could happen. I once had a gym teacher who's first name was Kelly and then she married a man whose last name was Kelly. What are the chances? She became Kelly Kelly, but she had the good sense to use her maiden name. Phew! I know the alliterative and similar nature of these names might be off-putting, but I have to say, Bucky knows how to work it, because it doesn't really bother you after you read all of their kissing scenes. Now, their kids (am I ruining the plot to tell you that they do end up together?) should be named: Cort, Callie and Carla. You know, just to keep it real.

3) What's keeping this perfectly matched couple apart? Well, a couple of things, really. Kate's a runaway socialite who discovered her parents had arranged a marriage for her. So she becomes a governess to (can you guess?) Caden's nephews and niece who he has custody of because their parents died. So she feels like their relationship is based on a lie. Caden seems to have no qualms at all about their relationship. In fact, this is the touchiest, most affectionate "apart" couple that I have ever seen. So kudos to Bucky for making that work. Another plot twist comes when the kids' grandparents try to wrest guardianship of the children (and the fortune) by kidnapping Kate (it makes sense in the book, I promise). Kate runs away, and decides to succumb to the arranged marriage. Wait for it! You'll never guess . . . or maybe you will . . . the person she is promised to just happens to be CADEN! Oh, my heck, you never saw that one coming, did you? Yeah, it's a sweet deal.

Next up: My BIG Three! It will totally be worth the read, I promise. Well, really it will be five minutes of your life that you will never get back, but still. Read it, just to make me feel better.

Romance novels in a nutshell

So I promised you synopses of mine and my sisters' romance novels. My two younger sisters, Linz and Bucky (clearly a nickname, but the story isn't nearly as funny as what you are imagining, I'm sure, so I won't bore you with it) are my fellow Tinglers. I have two more sisters but they are using maturity as an excuse not to join us. Pfft. I keep telling them that membership in the Tingling Touches Club can only boost their resumes should they choose to find new employment in the future, but apparently, they have their doubts.

Anyhow, let me first say that when you decide to write a romance novel there are several immediate decisions that are both important and difficult.

1) You have to decide on a setting. I mean, it makes a big difference to your story if it is set in Napoleonic France or China during the Boxer Rebellion (yeah, I don't really know what that is either). You can't imagine the hours of agony that we spent (and the number of homemade cookies that we ate) before we all were sufficiently inspired.

2) You have to decide on the names of your main characters. This is equally important, because let's be honest, NO ONE wants to read about a Mildred and a Horace making out. True? But EVERYONE wants to read about a Madeleine (it must be spelled like this) and a Brent sharing passionate kisses (By the way, has anyone read a Madeleine Brent novel? I love those!) Again, agonizing decisions that must be resolved before even a single word can be typed!

3) You have to figure out a reason for these people to stay apart, and that's not as easy as it sounds. Because, you know, generally two people who are "made for each other" or "destined to be together" don't have nearly as much conflict as a romance novel requires. I mean, really. In most romance novels the couple is either a) fighting most of the time or b) kissing each other passionately. There's no middle ground. Don't you think if you were in this kind of relationship you would head for the hills, relationship-wise? Of course you would! So the real challenge is trying to figure out how to make it seem plausible that these two perfectly matched, ideally suited, future best friends are unable to see their deep and abiding love for each other. Tricky!

Well, here's how Linz solved the big three:

1) Setting--I have to say, Linz took some big risks on this one. Because her setting is the deep South during Civil War times. Not only is she treading on Scarlett O'Hara's legacy, but she also doesn't like the dresses from this time period at all. Not to worry! Linz's heroine eschews fashion dictates and wears A-line dresses with capped sleeves. I think she's very, very ahead of her time. . .

2) Character Names--The hero is named Cam and the heroine is named Blair. I'm not sure why Linz picked these, but they are pretty sweet, don't you think? Plus, I'm almost positive they are traditional Southern names. Or not.

3) Why are these two not falling into each other's arms and declaring undying love? Well, it's complicated. See, Blair, who lives in the deep South, is also (shocker!) a fervent abolitionist. She just morally can't marry a man who owns slaves. Cam is a plantation owner and horrors! a slave owner! But don't worry. It's all an act, because Cam is secretly a link on the Underground Railroad and he just PRETENDS he owns slaves so that his fellow Southerners don't lynch him or find the runaway slaves he is assisting. All of his slaves are actually PAID workers! So they stay apart because he doesn't want to involve her in his dangerous work (such self-sacrifice is ALWAYS a sign of true love) and she can't let herself love him because he owns other human beings. Wow, Linz. That is sheer genius!

Next up: Bucky's Big Three!

Coming Out

Right. Not many people know about this, so I have to admit I'm a little nervous to out myself. And not only me, but also my two younger sisters, Lindsey and Courtney. But, I'm sure they won't mind. Probably. Maybe. Okay, they will, but I don't care. It's time that we stepped forward.

We have a secret club. Well, not secret in terms of like "Skull and Crossbones" but still. Secret. Secret like in we're all writing really bad romance novels, and reading them out loud to each other, and giving each other suggestions on how to make it even cheesier and truer to genre. I'm ashamed to admit the next part: our club is called "Tingling Touches". Truly. Veevs saw me typing on the computer yesterday and asked, "Are you tingling, Mom?" No, but I should have been!

How did this start, you wonder? How did three college educated girls decide they suddenly wanted to write romance novels? Oh, you don't care? Well, I'm telling you anyway. It's really my sister Ginnie's fault. She used to make and sell bracelets (I don't know, Ginnie, do you still do this?) and she went to the county fair and set up a booth to move some inventory. Well, as fate would have it, in a neighboring booth was a writer of really cheesy romance novels. But they're clean, because she's in Utah. But there's more kissing in one chapter than in my whole marriage up to this point. But we LOVE them! Why? Because my family a) has a really high tolerance for kitsch and b) because we don't need good writing to feel good about a book. (Seriously, I think I read every Nancy Drew, Cheerleaders, Couples, and Babysitters Club book ever written. I'm not really that picky.) So long story short (I know, can you believe this is the short version?) she and Ginnie traded bracelets for books and we all started reading these really passionate, badly written, clean romance novels.

Well, it didn't take my sister Lindsey too long to figure out, "Hey, this ain't rocket science." So she started writing her own, kind of as a joke and kind of not. So then Courtney and I started writing our own too, kind of as jokes and kind of not. Well, I wasn't an English major for nothing--I know that if you really want to hone your writing you should belong to an author's group. So we started it (I insisted on treats at every meeting), and we met once a week when we all lived close together.

But Tingling Touches lives on, even though the Tinglers (yes, we call ourselves Tinglers) live apart. Courts has finished hers. Mine's on perma-hold currently, but as soon as I can figure out how to start a prairie fire in the middle of winter (I just think every good romance novel should have a prairie fire, but it's Christmas time, and it's so much work to keep them apart for another six months!), I'll get going again. And Lindsey's girl is destined for happiness, as soon as she can control her swinging emotions which cause her to slap the hero on one page and then make out madly with him on the next page.

I know you don't really care, but there are so many facets of this club to explore. I'll post more later . . . come on, admit it, you really want to know the plot lines! Synopses next time, then! Right now, I think I'll go tingle . . .