Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The List

A few items you should know about:

1. I have fallen in love with our John Deere lawn tractor/mower/whatever-thing. To be honest, I could count on one hand (maybe even one finger) the times that I have previously mowed a lawn, but now, Rhett can't get on that John Deere lawn tractor/mower/whatever-thing except to retrieve Jakers from the neighborhood. I think I present a pretty awesome picture of life in the South when I'm out on that thing, more than six months pregnant and also toting a less than two-year-old child on my knee, all while bouncing happily along and cutting the grass, too. Y'all. I am awesome. (Sometimes I wear my denim skirt because modesty? What?)

2. I am getting a new couch. It will almost be sad to say good-bye to the old one (if you consider good-bye moving it to a different room), but then I remind myself of the numerous pen marks, marker marks, frequent urinations, etc. that make up my old couch, and hmmm . . . not so sad at all.

3. Our dog. She is darling, and I love her, and if it were she and I living alone in a house, we would, of course, be in paradise. However. She jumps on the children (but only when I'm not present). So I keep hauling the kids out there to do "training sessions" with me and the dog. It is family fun for all, as you can only imagine. The dog, by the way, loves me with the kind of devotion that all the world should learn from. My devotion to her comes nowhere close.

4. Rhett announced tonight that he is sick. I am half-annoyed, because I announced this morning that I was getting sick. Now he has preempted me and I'm going to have to take care of him and pretend to be super sympathetic instead of the other way around. I have not much of the nurturer in me for adult illness.

5. Veevs has called home four times this school year with fake illnesses (shortness of breath! which magically disappears as soon as an interesting book is being read! and stomach pains! which also disappear as soon as we get home!). I have not much of the nurturer in me for fake childhood illness, either, because I told her the school was much better equipped to deal with any fainting spells or asthma attacks than I was. So tough it out, sister. There is an irony in this situation because I spent probably twenty percent of every school year faking sick.

6. I'm pretty sure four kids was the limit for what I could handle without falling into a malaise of Mrs. Bennett proportions. I will now, with the impending addition of number five, be spending the rest of my life uttering fluttering statements like, "Oh, my nerves!" and "How can you have so little compassion for your mother?" It shall be epic.


Melissa said...

This is probably the third time I have read this post and laughed out loud every time! I love the way you tell stories:) Thanks for sharing the very real side of motherhood.

TheOneTrueSue said...

Me too. The part about the flutter, oh my gosh. You had me in stitches. STITCHES I SAY.

(Is that how you spell stitches? It looks weird.)

(Also is that how you spell weird?)