CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What You Will Miss

I won't be telling this baby's birth story here, mostly because I'm lazy, but also because I have C-sections and so the story is quite short: and then I got sliced open and the doctor pulled the baby out and set him on my chest with a warning not to touch him until . . .

But also, birth stories are slightly disturbing to me. I'm not opposed to other people sharing their birth stories, they are often touching, and lovely, and precious. But I do worry that all this introspection and fascination with how we give birth maybe overshadows the simple miracle of the fact that we do.

Ivy's was a normal birth (do you want to hear the story?), but Spencer's descended so quickly into chaos and birthing anarchy that ever after, I don't really mind that my birthing stories are short: the stitching up took longer than the birth. Because in my head, I'm just so grateful that this baby isn't dangerously quiet or blue in the face, or rushed immediately to NICU with talk of Flight for Life coming in to move him to a more advanced facility. I'm just so glad that Rhett is peering over the surgical drape saying inane things like, "Heids, your guts are all pushed up on to your belly right now!" or "This is awesome. I can totally see your fibroid cyst!" instead of being too late (I had sent him to dinner when I was in labor because there was plenty of time still, plenty!) to be there at all. I'm just so grateful that when they wheel me out of surgery, it's not into an empty recovery room with no husband and no baby.

I'm just so grateful to have a baby who breathes and eats and cries, that I can't be bothered to think to myself, this would have been much more poignant in a birthing tub. Maybe it would, I don't know.

I have a friend who also has C-sections for medical reasons, but every birth is like a big tragedy--like her body has failed her and she mourns the loss of the midwife and doula who could have attended her birth and hypnotized her into only half-feeling the pain. She feels cheated by her own body, like she's lost the opportunity to truly be a mother because the baby doesn't travel the birthing canal in the prescribed, traditional fashion. I don't have this kind of introspection in me--to worry about whether this is the right way to give birth--I'm just so damn grateful to have a baby. Because if there is one thing that Spencer's birth story taught me, it was that none of that is guaranteed. No one guarantees you that when you get to the end of the ten month pregnancy, there will be a cozy, bubbling birthing tub, a brush with the kind of pain that makes you more self-reflective and less selfish for the next three months, a final gasp and push and flash of joy. No one guarantees that there will even be a baby there to hold.

So, my point here, is that you won't get all the details of the slice and dice that is my birth story. (Do you really want those details? Because I fear I'm often too drugged up to actually get them right anyway.) I'll be too busy (hopefully! God willing!) being grateful for the miracle of birth. Even when it happens the wrong way.

5 comments:

Bryner Family said...

I've given birth the wrong way 4 times and it's been a beautiful, miraculous experience every time. Good luck adding to your cute family and best wishes for a BORING birth story for this baby! :)

TheOneTrueSue said...

I've had 4 c-sections. I have CPD and had no choice and I honestly could care less. The important thing to me is the baby, not how he or she got here. I know this is a big deal to many people , but I honestly don't understand the emotions.

Cynthia said...

I've had 4 very easy pregnancies and 4 very different and difficult birthing experiences. My kids are almost all grown now, those birthing experiences were so very long ago, and yet I have tears reading your sweet post. Those memories flood back of bringing babies in the front door of our home, healthy and strong. You are right, there are no guarantees. It doesn't matter how they get here, we've just enjoyed the 20+ years since.

Jillybean said...

I loved this post :) I also have CPD (first kid wieghed 10lbs 6 oz, with a rather large head......)
I've had 4 c-sections, and never been through labor. I think it's great for the women who can go through labor and just push their kids out, but for me, I am so grateful for modern medicine which has made it possible for my kids to be born without problems.
When I was pregnant with #4, I started reading a bunch of birth stories online, I found an overly dramatic poem that a woman wrote about how devistatingly horrible her c-section was, she even went so far as to liken the operating table to a crucifix.....

Yeah, I'm pretty happy about my 4 very healthy children, no matter how they came out of my body.

Jen said...

I would just like to say that I don't like the idea of a "right" or "wrong" way to give birth. You are so right. The important thing is that the baby gets here. I have done it two different ways, and I don't think one or the other is "better" or "worse." Each had benefits, each had challenges. My home birth was not motivated by some conscience driven need to get a star on my woman badge. I saved us around $3,000, which when it was hurting like hell, during and afterwards, helped to console me. "That hurt like hell, but I saved $3,000." Very comforting. Would I do it again? Maybe for $3,000. But an extra day in the hospital? I'd be up for that, too.