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Thursday, May 14, 2009

What I Wish

I wish I had posted recently so that the blogging guilt cloud would stop raining on my parade.

I wish I had confidence that this really, really, really is Rhett's last degree.

I wish I didn't have to threaten my kids with extra chores to make them listen to me. But I do, and it works, so now I'll write a book advising all the other mothers in the world how to use my crap philosophy on raising obedient children and then I will sign your copy of my book for you, because even amidst all that fame, deep down, I'm still just Jenny from the block. Or Heidi. Whatever.

I wish some of my favorite authors weren't dead.

I wish I weren't so tired tonight. How was it possible that I used to stay up past midnight every night when I was in college? Seriously, how was that even physiologically possible? (Was that too hyperbolic? It was, wasn't it?)

I wish I slept so deeply I didn't wake up to snoring. This would make it possible for my husband and I to sleep together in blissful peace every night. Or, alternately, I wish my husband didn't snore. Yeah. It's his fault.

I wish I had a child old enough to load the dishwasher. Seriously, grow up, kids. Mom's got some chores with your names all over them.

11 comments:

The Rookie said...

I wish I could just sit and listen to you all day. Sooner or later beverages would spray from my nostrils like they just did now. Because I laugh every stinking time.

And really, is there anything too hyperbolic? I think not.

Jen said...

I wish a golden sparkley magical happy pink cake of happiness would appear on your table, and with every slice you eat your chores would mysteriously disappear. And it has a sleeping potion.

Cynthia said...

Keep that wish list of chores for your kids. They will grow into them soon enough. My kids are growing up and about to move out. I am SCARED that all those chores are going to be back on MY chore chart again.

Karen said...

I'm with you on the snoring thing. Either he needs a nose plug or I need ear plugs.

Bisel Family said...

Seriously! My kids just got to the stage where they are unloading the dishwasher everyday. I am in love!

Anonymous said...

great.....the dishwasher! By the way, that was my job to empty the clean dishwasher as a child. I can still hear my mother screeching my name throughout the entire neighborhood, at the top of her lungs, as she called me to come home to do my job. Your kids are lucky they are not old enough yet. I am scarred for life!!!

Jennifer said...

I'm with you about staying up late in college. Seriously. If I could just have a tiny bit of that energy I would be a lot better mom.

Melanie J said...

My nine year old son asked me the other day if the only reason I had kids was so that they could do stuff I didn't feel like doing. I said yes.

Shawn said...

Good wishes. I don't mind loading the dishwasher, but I DETEST unloading it!

turtle said...

hahaha, the last one. i'm going to think that with my future kids, won't i? yes...i know i will.

Claire said...

Would you be offended if I then sold my signed copy of your book on Ebay? I like making dollahz.