Fire!

I used to be a really great sleeper. You know, before I had kids and had to sleep lightly so that I could hear my kids if they woke up. When I was a teenager, I could take naps like nobody's business.

So one afternoon, I took my nap on my parents' waterbed (remember those?) as usual. I slept peacefully, and woke up fully refreshed.

I felt much less refreshed when I discovered the following:

While I was sleeping, the fire alarm had gone off. This wasn't one of those wussy fire alarms that just beeps--this was a fire alarm that was set up with my parents' alarm system, and so when it sensed smoke or carbon monoxide or whatever, an EXTREMELY LOUD man's voice would come out of the speaker and YELL "FIRE! PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY! HELP IS ON THE WAY!" It would do this over and over and over and over. It was so loud, you wanted to cover your ears, no matter where you were in the house.

When this occurred, all my younger siblings (Dan, Josh, Linz, and Bucky) evacuated (if only to escape the yelling fire alarm man) to the trampoline in our backyard, which was our designated "meeting spot" should any of us ever survive a natural disaster. While they were merrily evacuated on the trampoline, I continued to sleep.

It turned out to be a false alarm, but I still can't believe that everyone evacuated without me. Even fifteen years later, I'm still surprised by my siblings' treachery--I COULD HAVE BURNED! (oh, okay, I'm not surprised at all--they are totally like that!) Let me just remind you, I COULD HAVE BURNED!

We're a very close family.

Social Services

My oldest brother and his wife (bless her, she's so much more patient than I would ever be!) homeschool their children. She's really good at it, and has taught her children to be self-educators and to thirst for knowledge. I admire her dedication while firmly believing that I would go absolutely stark, raving mad if I tried to homeschool my children myself.

I recall one vacation that we all spent together, my brother Josh (who has no children of his own) kindly offered to take on the task of teaching my two nephews some social skills (this being a common complaint that is offered up against homeschooling). Alas, there must have been a communication breakdown, because I think what he was teaching wasn't quite what my sister-in-law had in mind.

Josh decided to teach the boys all the fun things that they missed from not going to public school. This is Jared, just one of the boys who benefited from Josh's extensive social training . . .


Things like:

"1-2-3, Coffee, Soda Pop, Pee" (he used the glasses at the table for this little countdown, as we have no row of drinking fountains to label) I think you can imagine how pleased my sister-in-law was with this . . .

"Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee-pee in your coke!" Somehow I don't think that these are the socialization skills my sister appreciates. You know, as if the potty humor weren't enough, I think the racial comments might just have put her over the edge.

We're really good with social skills in my family.