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Thursday, September 27, 2012

I Will Not Apologize

for not really writing blog posts anymore.  Unless you have been taking it personally, in which case, I'm sorry you're so invested in my life.  I'm not even that invested in it, so . . .

Today is laundry day, which explains plenty about why I'm writing a blog post instead of folding the laundry.  I believe that each child you add to a family doesn't just add to your laundry.  Each child exponentially increases your laundry.  I'm not a math person, but I'm pretty sure exponentially is the right concept. 

How are you, my dear blog friends?  You will not, of course, believe me, but I am still poking around your blogs, stalking you with a stealth that rivals anything the Avengers had going on.  (Wasn't that an entertaining film?  Did you like it?  It's pretty much the last movie I saw, so I'm still thinking about it.  I really need to get out more.  Also, why did I use them as examples of stealth?  There's really nothing subtle about their approach to killing aliens, true?)

You are probably wondering what kind of mom I am now that I have five children.  (Has it been keeping you awake at nights, the wondering?) Well, pretty much just as crappy as I was with four children, just more.  Example:  the other day I had the kids at soccer, and another mom said to me (after answering her cell phone), "Hey, that was my sister-in-law--she wants to know if the blonde boy up at the top playground is yours."  I would like to be able to say that he wasn't, but of course it was.  In the spirit of being the best mom in the world, I sent Ivy up to get him.

Let's see, what else?  Spe got diagnosed with asthma.   Veevs continues to imagine herself as a feral cat.  Jakers started kindergarten, and Logan is in the two-year-old preschool class, which he loves.  It's like he's getting tired of watching television or something!  (I kid.  Mostly.)  And baby Caleb is just delightful, and darling, and chubby and my baby

Did I tell you I had my tubes tied after this baby?  I did.  And I threatened to sue the doctor for all my children's educational costs if he screwed it up.  I'm not very sad about it, obviously.  I think being realistic about your capabilities is a very important part of motherhood, and let's be honest: I've already overextended myself.  So, yep, we're done.  Rhett, who in a way was fairly confident we were done after two children, breathed a huge sigh of relief. 

I thought I would be really nostalgic with this baby like oh, how sad, this is my last time snapping up this 0-3 month onesie or whatever, but I haven't been.  It's been kind of awesome knowing that I'm leaving this stage forever.  And I really love babies.  But whether you love them or not, they are an awful lot of work, no?

I guest taught a class at one of the local universities for doctoral students, which cemented my belief that I must get back to the classroom.  And as quickly as possible.  So pretty much everything's the same around here, right down to the serial laundry avoidance.