Tuesday, April 27, 2010

No-Talent Talents

I've been thinking lately about talents (not in a church way) and I've come to the conclusion that the working definition of talents is seriously short (and also, by the working definition of talented, I'm so not talented). So, here's a list of skills that are really talents. Some of these I say are talents because I'm good at them. Others, like housekeeping, I say are talents because I'm not one bit good at them (see, it's not my fault! I'm just not talented).

1) Reading--I think this should be considered a talent, and not just a time-waster, and here's why: I read a lot. So quit thinking I'm lazy. I'm just extremely, extremely talented. When we first got married, Rhett asked me to teach him how to speed read. I laughed in his face, because here's the secret recipe: Read for six hours every day of your whole childhood, embracing the faux friendship of fictional characters like Anne of Avonlea, Jo March, and Nancy Drew to assuage the pain of the fact that you have no friends in the real world. Repeat, repeat, repeat. FOR YEARS. YEARS, I SAY!

2) Housekeeping--Most people think that if you're not good at this you are just lazy. But that's not really it. You're just not talented. Some people (Mom, I'm looking at you!) have a natural gift for organization and cleaning and stuff, and they really find joy in being all clean and on top of the laundry. These are the GT (gifted and talented) homemakers. Then, there's people like me who think, "I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher today. What more do you want from me?" These are the LD (learning disabled) homemakers.* One of the ladies in my book club has wrinkled fingers from using Windex like twenty-seven times a day. She swears it's a curse, and I'm all like "Windex? I think I have a bottle in the garage. Rhett uses it on the van windows." See the difference between the talented and the untalented? It's pretty obvious.

3) Scheduling--I have a friend who keeps her whole life in her head: hair appointments, doctor appointments, car maintenance, everything. That girl has talents, no? I have another friend who keeps her schedule on her calendar and never misses anything because she is religious about checking her calendar. She is performing at grade-level, methinks. And then there's me: I keep a meticulous calendar and forget to check it, therefore missing probably 30% of my appointments. I wish I were kidding, but a couple of weeks ago I forgot Spe had school in the morning until the carpool showed up. Because we've only been doing this for eight months now.

I had a few more, but when the baby cries, I answer (well, after five to ten minutes, anyway). Talentless, I tell you!

* Don't get all nasty at me thinking I'm making fun of kids with these labels. The real shame is that we have these labels in the first place for kids. THAT'S what I'm making fun of, okay?


Jen said...

You forgot to mention your awesome blog writing talent.

I too was friends with Nancy and Ned instead of real people as a child.

The Rookie said...

I agree with Jen--you are quite the awesome blog-writer.

I, personally, am right there with you on number one. Including the bit about not having any real friends as a child. Seriously, I like characters in books more than I like most people--even when it is a wicked-awful antagonist I tend to like them more then those who antagonize me.

And I'm pretty sure I have the talent to make things LOOK clean and organized but really it is all hidden in a chaotic mess of a drawer/box/bin somewhere out of sight.

Celia said...

Heids, thanks for the comments on my blog. It's nice to know you still come around once in a while.

And I'm not sure "talented" really gives what you do while "reading" justice. People! She read Gone with the Wind in one day -- when she was like 7, or 12, or whatever.

I remember once reading a book next to you (and I have NO IDEA when or where) and I was silently getting perturbed at you "pretending" to read so fast that you were turning to the next page when I was only halfway down the left page!

So is it talent? Genius? Alien-implanted-skills? It's a mystery.

Claire said...

My talents are so well hidden under a bushel, that they're actually hidden under dense undergrowth. That, or I indeed, have none.