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Sunday, December 14, 2008

Just to Make You Feel Better

You know, sometimes I feel like I'm a degenerate, lazy, all-around-sucky kind of mom. Mostly after I read blogs that read like this: "Today I woke up and decided to do something special for my kids. So I made pancakes, eggs, toast, cut grapefruit and sprinkled it with sugar and then decorated it all with frosting so that it would look like a silly face. My kids loved it! Then we went to the library for story time, and it was so funny, because my little two-year old was reading the words to the book before the librarian would say them. Those flashcards I bought when he was born are really paying off! After story time, I decided we should go play in the park, so I made a quick picnic . . . yadda, yadda, yadda"--you get the point.

If you're like me, you can feel pretty crappy about yourself when, by comparison, your kids ate Marshmallow Mateys (but only the marshmallows) for breakfast and spent the morning in time out, instead of at the library.

I'm not saying we don't have our good days around here, too, but here are a few things that are going on around here to make you feel better about pretty much anything:

I have dishes that are two days old in my sink. I have no immediate plans to clean them. Maybe if I label it "a test" for my husband, I can stall doing the dishes indefinitely.

My butt is getting bigger all the time. It will soon catch Rhode Island, sizewise.

I don't care that my butt is getting bigger.

I like to read teenage romance novels. I will ignore my children and give them raw hot dogs for dinner when I am reading something I really like.

Veevs doesn't know how to read. She is five. I don't care that she doesn't know how to read.

Rhett called me "Jerkface" the other day, and I just laughed. I know I should get indignant, but really? Jerkface? That's the best insult he can come up with? Hey, Rhett, fifth grade called and they want their insults back. . .

Instead of taking my recyclables out to the recyling bin in the garage, I just pile them on my counter. When they overflow on to my oven, I know it's time to make a trip to the garage.

My twenty-month old knows how to count to three because I count when my kids aren't listening. And then I send them to time out. Maybe I do this too frequently?

I have a batch of wash upstairs that I have had to run through the washer three times because I keep forgetting to move it over to the dryer. Awesome.

Feel better?

26 comments:

Cathy said...

Hey, are you my long lost twin?! I'm glad to hear you are "normal" and your kids are growing up in a "normal" atmosphere!

emily said...

100 times better ... all i've got is a weeks worth of dirty laundry so that my son had to wear jeans to church ... not horrible - but he has 2 pair of nice pants ... both dirty.

and i can't see the floor in my own bedroom because my christmas boxes threw up in there ... oh and the washed but not folded laundry ended up there too!

oh and one more ... my 2 year old can count backward from 5 ... for the very same reason yours can - we count down to 1 and then time out/spank (i'm a spanker ... does that make me a bad mommy?? - it's effective ;)

Jillybean said...

You feed your kids marshmallow mateys? My kids would think they'd died and gone to heaven.

I bet my butt is bigger than yours.

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Well... I fed my kids the chocolate chip cookies that showed up on our doorstep for lunch... I have 3 loads of laundry piled up in my bedroom that have been waiting to be folded for a week... But the longer I wait to fold it, the smaller the pile gets as the children are forced to pillage through the pile for clean underwear. I am also, at the moment, slightly nauseated from eating the massive quantity of neighbor gifted foodstuff that keeps arriving at my house. I would like for us to be best friends. People like us should travel in pairs. It's safer that way, I think.

AMY said...

abso-freakin-lutely!
You are a genious for writing your blog this way.
Sometimes I view my blog as a bookreport for my day only my book report better be good or the "teacher" will give me a bad grade. I seriously laughed out loud about the laundry having to be done 3x. and the dishes in the sink...greatness YOU ARE GREATNESS!

D said...

Oh yes...I am peering at the same messes from over the top of my laptop. It's nice that they don't exist in my laptop world. My son learned the first three numbers as 1..2..3..Come Here! or 1..2..3..Get down! and Come Here! He tells me all the time, "I not Trouble, I Kaden."

AzĂșcar said...

Everyone else is LYING.

I think I've run the current load of laundry through three times. I just can't seem to move it to the dryer...


because all of the laundry baskets are full of the other clothes that haven't been folded and put away yet.

Melanie J said...

For sure I feel better. And at the same, slightly disappointed that I didn't acutaly pioneer this approach to mothering like I thought I did.

JustRandi said...

Maybe you could start counting to 10 before the kids get into trouble.
You know, in the name of education.

Phil & Sami said...

Hey I am one of your loyal stalkers. I have never commented but had to for this post for it made my day! Thanks

D said...

LOL did you write this post to make me feel better? It worked. :) I wait for Matt to do dishes on the weekends too. Or I assign him jobs like emptying the dishwasher and of course I can't do any of my jobs (like filling the dishwasher or cooking) until he has done his job. I can't complain today though- this weekend he vaccumed, emptied the dishwasher and made dinner. He must want a good Christmas present or sex. Sounds better than cleaning to me. :)

Sarah Anne said...

A little bit.

The Rookie said...

I do the same thing with the recycling! I justify it with the whole, "Hey, at least I'm doing my part by recycling" dance. Okay, honestly I don't feel a need to justify it. I'm busy and when I'm not busy I certainly don't want to spend that time taking recycling out to the bin.

Oh, and my laundry pile, at any point in time, can be described in only one word: Epic.

And I don't even have kids. What does this say about me?

This Place is a Disaster! said...

you inspire me!!!!!! I'm going to copy this to my blog, only tailor a few items to fit myself!

Anonymous said...

So when he called you a Jerkface did you say "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me?

Cynthia said...

My couch has had laundry waiting to be folded for 22 years. Well, not the exact same laundry. The pile grows until the couch overflows, then gets put away only to be clear for about 4 minutes until the pile begins again. The only time the couch is clean is when we are expecting company. Then the pile gets moved quickly to the bed in the nearest bedroom, only to be brought back to the couch later that night. It's not the best system, but I call it a 'system' anyway. Sounds like you have some good 'systems' in place. Way to go.

Carol said...

Heid's love you for this post. It didn't exactly make me feel better but it made me feel happy to know that someone else is on a par with me parenting wise.

I hate those perfect mothers. Particularly the ones who manage to make it to school looking fit for a red carpet entrance when to be fair the only place I look fit for is the shower.

Claire said...

I think the people you are talking about, don't really exist. I just think they're liars. and are set out just to make me feel bad.

THey're all jerkfaces.

Heather of the EO said...

I don't feel better. I sucketh even more than all of that these days.

For instance, I have a 3 and a 1/2 year old that I've BARELY begun potty training. I've been a bit side-tracked. And since I'm also lazy and self-indulgent, that means my kid might be FIVE and still shatting his pants.

I would list more examples, but I'm too busy reading blogs while my son watches the Charlie Brown Christmas.

You're still an excellent mom, just so you know.

Motherboard said...

We ate brownies for breakfast over here. I have about 5 loads of laundry that need to be folded and I am sitting her reading about everyone elses amazing lives...


Yours always makes me smile. Thanks!

Jen said...

Perhaps I would feel better if so many of your items didn't sound so very familiar. I do feel better hearing that I am not alone, though. Especially in the child neglect to read novels. It's an unfortunate habit for me because then I can't get after my hubby when he gets too involved in forklift motor removal.

julie said...

Hey, I seem to remember a post on here of a really awesome Halloween party, and I thought to myself, I wish I was the kind of mom who had the energy and creativity to throw cool parties like that for my kids!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who counts to three constantly.

Jennifer said...

I've been a lurker for awhile....I love your blog! As I'm reading this, I have a HUGE mess in the kitchen from this morning and crumbs scattered about because I gave two of my kids a whole box of goldfish so they would just be quiet!

Bisel Family said...

I love you!

Karin said...

I do the same thing with recycling... we always have a pile of boxes next to our garbage and a bunch of cans on our counter.

Also- I've been thinking how skinny you are getting so I think you have some waiting to do before catching Rhode Island.

Melissa said...

Could you post again soon? Please!